for Aimée

because I'm thinking of you & i know how much you enjoy my ramblings on here :).


It annoys me how i can barely remember what i did last week, or what the different parts of the brain are, yet when i find an old CD i loved, i can put it on and remember every single word of every single song.

& i also hate how much i hate clutter and love minimalism, yet my flat is like a multicoloured jumble sale - i'd love a blank canvas, and the money to paint it however i want.

so many things remains unfinished!

e.g. driving lessons, i can't afford to do them right now, so i'm going to suggest a break i reckon, start them up again once my exams are completed.

always seems to be practical things i never see through, you wouldn't think it but when i was younger i did tap dancing, disco dancing, ballet, swimming, baton twirling, even karate, but i never stuck at it, never made something of it, only one i ever entered a competition for or did a show for, was swimming, and fuck knows where that trophy is.

even at school, i got chucked out higher art and i haven't picked up any of my instruments since the day of my practical exam 2 years ago, they just collect dust under my bed... and it's not that i wasn't good at it, i was dropped for higher art because i made no effort, i was chucked out all 3 school bands i was in for swearing at a couple of teachers.

i wish i had the time to devote time to drawing again, or the time to go and buy a music book, and play some jazz on my sax, ken, just for the hell of it, maybe put my purple music stand to more use than hanging my old jewelery from. fact is i just have a lot of my wee plate, or maybe my priorities aren't what they should be.

i'm kind of torn between doing what's best for my future and living for the moment, i can't seem to decide what's more important, so it's a seesaw currently.

'the thing about doing everything is having no time to do nothing'

i know a good few of you could say, aye, but sitting on myspace is doing nothing, it's being lazy, but it's not, everything requires effort, i use the internet to keep track of my friends, make the effort to have conversations with them, so i'm not totally being absorbed by my other priorities - a point to social networking, whodda thought it?!


so yes, studying has been initiated.. did some on neurological disorders.. makes me cringe - no, i'm not a hypocondriac! well, maybe a little bit :p

the fact that from studying this i have learned that a coldsore can lead to severe memory loss (clive wearing anyone?) and chicken pocs can eradicate my spatial awareness freaks the sheet out of me (i haven't had them yet :().

but i'll go to bed early tonight, and i'll be up at 8am to do what? yes STUDY, study bum, study study study, book hugging, study geek. I'M EVEN WEARING MY SPECS.




in other news, family.. family really is the friends you choose, those you choose to keep close to you. fair enough, loving family is an unconditional kind of love, but not everyone is that lucky.
but i keep trying, i keep trying because i'll never stop loving you, even thought you always hurt me, there is an invisible tie connecting us that has been there since the day i was born and it'll never break, you can tug on it all you want, try and run from it, but it's always going to be there.



this leads me to thank a few people, one girl in particular - julie mclachlan.
i don't know where i'd be without you.

the rest of you, well, there's only certain folk i bother talking to nowadays, so i'm pretty sure you know that i love you.
<3





what else?
aye, summer, so last summer i was PRETTY skint, by pretty skint, i mean i ate peanut butter on toast for about 3 months, so this summer i intend to get a job - DUN DUN DUUUUNNN.

how can you say 'no' to my m-m-m-metal face? honestly guys, give me a job please? \m/
xxxxxxxbrawxxxxxxxxx

just realised i'm sitting in the dark, i am a payoor goff. NNCE NNCE.


Peace.