When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where everything is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home
To say I
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself
Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with brightest eyes
Like turning water into wine
The children ran to see
Their parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The Earth itself then came alive
To say I,
I can do anything, If you want me here
And I can fix anything, If you'll let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough..
Peace.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Saturday, 30 May 2009
It's a date!
Okay, okay, okay, i have to admit it, i've been a right
(hermit) recently and don't think i've enjoyed it 'cause i haven't!
I want to be a social
(butterly) again, before people start forgetting who i am haha! :P
So, this is an open invitation to all of my friends, lets make plans over the summer yeah? Make it one to remember, for all the right reasons :)
Peace.
(hermit) recently and don't think i've enjoyed it 'cause i haven't!
I want to be a social
(butterly) again, before people start forgetting who i am haha! :P
So, this is an open invitation to all of my friends, lets make plans over the summer yeah? Make it one to remember, for all the right reasons :)
Peace.
Alcoholism
"...also known as alcohol dependence and alcohol addiction. It is a brain disease characterized by compulsive seeking and use of alcohol".
- Personally, i think that's what most people disregard concerning alcoholism, the fact that it is NOT simply a case of drinking too much or that the person does it through choice - it is primarily a mental illness.
My dad once told me, to describe alcoholism you have to put your own two hands round your neck, and choke yourself until all you can think about is catching another breath, that, he says, is what it is constantly like for an alcoholic craving alcohol.
I think that is why i still bother, the reason why i am still persistently trying to help her.
Although she has repeatedly thrown it back in my face and turned my world upside down over the past 7 years (and before), i still found myself this morning, trying to track her down to see if she's okay.
The hardest thing is trying not to be bitter; trying not to scream at her for how much she's broken my heart; ask her why it is so hard to stay sober long enough to phone me, to let me know she's alive for Christ's sake. Alas, i am somewhat controlled in biting my tongue, trying to be supportive yet firm, as her mental deterioration means it is similar to trying to get a child to put down their toys and eat their dinner, hissy fit included.
How can you convince someone its the right thing to do when they have convinced themselves its not?
How can i show her how much she's throwing her life away when she's living in her own warped reality?
How many people will it take to shock her into soberiety?
How many times can i take her letting me down...
You know, it's funny, even the nurse of the phone was like "this is so much for you to deal with at such a young age" and of course, i'm aware of this, but i'm fine, about as fine as i could be. To be fair, i'm struggling financially, but it's nothing i can't deal with myself, with the help of the job center haha.
People also say, you need a mother, she should be looking after you, not the other way round, but anyone who knows me, knows i moved out at 16 and i wouldn't change it, because it gave me the kick up the backside i needed, i was pushed into the real world prematurely and now i have a head start to dealing with it all. Rather sooner than later i say.
I might not have a lush flat, or tons of money to do shit with, but i'm still happy, it certainly makes me appreciate everything, and my cat is definitely better fed than me :p but it's a roof over my head, MY roof, my rules, my own wee accomplishment right? Yeah, it's a shit location, but it beats the hell out of living with an alcoholic.
So come Monday, i'll be heading out to try and get her and take her to the doctors, see what can be done if she's willing to cooperate. Even she wonders why i bother, and i told her on the phone - because there's an invisible tie between us that means i will always love her and need to know she's okay, no matter what she does or who she becomes. But as with everything is life, ties can weaken, and she's a grown woman, there's only so much i can do before it starts affecting my life, and that, is where i draw the line.
Peace.
- Personally, i think that's what most people disregard concerning alcoholism, the fact that it is NOT simply a case of drinking too much or that the person does it through choice - it is primarily a mental illness.
My dad once told me, to describe alcoholism you have to put your own two hands round your neck, and choke yourself until all you can think about is catching another breath, that, he says, is what it is constantly like for an alcoholic craving alcohol.
I think that is why i still bother, the reason why i am still persistently trying to help her.
Although she has repeatedly thrown it back in my face and turned my world upside down over the past 7 years (and before), i still found myself this morning, trying to track her down to see if she's okay.
The hardest thing is trying not to be bitter; trying not to scream at her for how much she's broken my heart; ask her why it is so hard to stay sober long enough to phone me, to let me know she's alive for Christ's sake. Alas, i am somewhat controlled in biting my tongue, trying to be supportive yet firm, as her mental deterioration means it is similar to trying to get a child to put down their toys and eat their dinner, hissy fit included.
How can you convince someone its the right thing to do when they have convinced themselves its not?
How can i show her how much she's throwing her life away when she's living in her own warped reality?
How many people will it take to shock her into soberiety?
How many times can i take her letting me down...
You know, it's funny, even the nurse of the phone was like "this is so much for you to deal with at such a young age" and of course, i'm aware of this, but i'm fine, about as fine as i could be. To be fair, i'm struggling financially, but it's nothing i can't deal with myself, with the help of the job center haha.
People also say, you need a mother, she should be looking after you, not the other way round, but anyone who knows me, knows i moved out at 16 and i wouldn't change it, because it gave me the kick up the backside i needed, i was pushed into the real world prematurely and now i have a head start to dealing with it all. Rather sooner than later i say.
I might not have a lush flat, or tons of money to do shit with, but i'm still happy, it certainly makes me appreciate everything, and my cat is definitely better fed than me :p but it's a roof over my head, MY roof, my rules, my own wee accomplishment right? Yeah, it's a shit location, but it beats the hell out of living with an alcoholic.
So come Monday, i'll be heading out to try and get her and take her to the doctors, see what can be done if she's willing to cooperate. Even she wonders why i bother, and i told her on the phone - because there's an invisible tie between us that means i will always love her and need to know she's okay, no matter what she does or who she becomes. But as with everything is life, ties can weaken, and she's a grown woman, there's only so much i can do before it starts affecting my life, and that, is where i draw the line.
Peace.
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Post-Exam
last one was today, so technically that means, MY SUMMER HAS BEGUN :D
...just picture me doing some sort of celebratory dance haha! funky chicken perhaps?
So May, what's been going on?
Uuuum, not a great deal, it's officially been "stick your head in a textbook" month, so yeah you get the jist, studying, studying and oh yeah studying!
There's a few things i can remember, liiike when Megan came to stay and we watched Twilight (she's now officially hooked) and made puppy chow (a mixture consisting of shreddies, peanut butter, melted galaxy and icing sugar) .. NOT the greatest munch alive, and singing "IT'S BUSINESS, IT'S BUSINESS TIME" in bed at like half 1 in the morning haha :)
& Every Time I Die @ ABC, that was pretty smashing, Gallows were surprisingly good, they ought to be endorsed by Heinz or something, skinny fucks, but they put on a good show! aaand i got to see Dale so that was even better :D, i miss going to gigs all the time, next gig issss Taking BackSunday i think, who's going? My boyfriend has rekindled my love for Adam Lazarra <3
Alsooo there was Ali's 20th at Classic Grand, and i have to say, 4th time lucky was definitely lucky, i actually enjoyed myself, even got on the dancefloor for some Enter Shikarrriii, the boys had the moves! But due to being ill (aye, AGAIN) was on antibiotics and couldn't drink, garbage i tell ye.
& Charmaine's 21st at Hamilton Accies, got far too sloshed (i blame my boyfriend for buying me drinks all night) and the highlight of my night was ATTEMPTING to jumpstyle to scooter with Caly & Catt and clean out decking it, then going home, spewing bright purple and going up to Luuu's to recooperate, talk shite for hours and get the best roll 'n' sausage ever out the tabac, love that lassie!
Speaking of being ill, been stupidly ill the past few weeks,feeling sick and headaches etc etc, it's only really just gave it a by, haven't felt sick for a few days but i've had to change my diet, pasta and bread that's about it really, i'm WELL treating myself tonight to a takeaway of sorts though! Perhaps a Chinese? orrr A bigga pizza pie?
Aye, so, today, went to opticians 'cause obviously my eyesight may have been the cause of my headaches, and it turns out it is, my left eyes got considerably worse (basically everythings a total blur out of it) and the optician goes "Yeah, eh, i think you need to wear your glasses a lot more, preferably all the time" EH WHIT, no way am i being a full-time specky :(, no offence to full time speckies, i'm just no' intae it, ken yon wiy?
Ehhh, so overview of exams is probably appropriate considering the title of this here blog, first one was average, second one was okay, third was well good and fourth was average, hmm, fingers crossed for passes! :)
"Life asks of you what it thinks you can handle"
I think that's true, i should have more faith in myself and what i'm capable of coping with, i don't give myself enough credit i reckon. i learn a lesson from everything i go through, and i'll keep saying it but every cloud honestly does have a silver lining, somewhere.
Looking forward to having a fully functioning social life again, it was the worst feeling in the world having to cancel to study, having to put things on hold and not spend time with my pally wals, but now i can, so yay, just some more $$$ wouldn't go a miss ya know?
Don't get me wrong, i can't complain about staying in 90% of the time, 'cause a) i did study more and b) i really enjoy spending time with my lovely boyfriend, he's put up with me so much the past couple weeks, my mood swings have been something fucking else and being a depressed-bunny hasn't helped either - note to self, never bottle things up!
but the negatives have been pants too, too much alone time means i think too much means i can't concentrate to study and meant i was really lonely and dug myself into a wee hole, hopefully i'm climb out of it soon, i hate being this low about things and i don't want to pull everyone close to me down with me.
Trying to think of things that are interesting to talk about... hmm... fed up with my hair colour/cut/EVERYTHING, definitely going blonde, i didn't come this far to go dark again, so back to my natural colour.. crikey, it's been a good while since i've been blonde.
Got a couple of ideas for body mods too, back on the idea of dermal anchors on my chest, just two, at either side, where my collarbones SHOULD be haha :p, or a dermal anchor on one of my fingers, thought that'd be cute, and i want my conch done too. it terms of tattoos i'm really liking the idea of caligraphy in white ink somewhere on me, not too noticeable, understated yet elegant oui? and i plan to get some form of symbol on the side of my finger, meaningful but ye canny really see it, sound good?
Constantly wavering on the idea of taking my bridge out, although the opticians assured me it is not and cannot ever give me a squint i'm less keen to part ways with it, i do love it so! A referendum amongst my friends is long over due haha!
Talking about referendum's, who's voting in the EU elections? or whatever it happens to be, such a good politics student i am, NAHT.
Most folk will know 'cause of my parents i've always kinna favoured Conservatives/Green, and we're working class! Never been a big fan of Labour, but then again that's more to do with current issues and student issues than anything else. Moreover, i'm totally pro-union, so fuck SNP, if you support independence you need to look into it a bit more! I got a flyer through about UKIP, i mean come on, do you honestly think its a good idea to cut ties with the EU when our economy is completely down the pan? It's fairly adequate to suggest the UK is independtly capable of regaining a secure economy without European funding. Hmm, i need to look more into this i reckon, just download the Conservative European Manifesto, but it's frying my brain, i've had enough of Politics for the day!
But, once i've made my mind up on who i'm voting for, i shall post a blog about it and tell you why i'm voting for them, who knows, i could end up voting Labour! :P
BUT MAKE SURE YOU GO OUT AND VOTE! Voter turnouts are unecessarily low, pisses me off, if you've got the right to vote and you know a bit about politics then use your vote to help change the country! You can't sit and moan about how shite the economy is, or if you're an old man in a pub, how much you "fucking hate Gordon Brown" - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, then moan, not to me though :P.
Holy shit sticks this have been a long blog.. OOPS!
Can't wait to get back into reading, currently reading 'Nocturnes' by John Connoly, got a good few books lined up for the summer!
So here's my wee list of things to do this summer:
1) sleep
2) get a job (?)
3) DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL BITCHES.
4) modify my body
5) lose weight (swimming, yay)
6) go to the beach more than once!
7) get a tan NATURALLY
8) get my wee flat looking spick and span!
9) see all my loved ones whenever possible :)
Peace.
...just picture me doing some sort of celebratory dance haha! funky chicken perhaps?
So May, what's been going on?
Uuuum, not a great deal, it's officially been "stick your head in a textbook" month, so yeah you get the jist, studying, studying and oh yeah studying!
There's a few things i can remember, liiike when Megan came to stay and we watched Twilight (she's now officially hooked) and made puppy chow (a mixture consisting of shreddies, peanut butter, melted galaxy and icing sugar) .. NOT the greatest munch alive, and singing "IT'S BUSINESS, IT'S BUSINESS TIME" in bed at like half 1 in the morning haha :)
& Every Time I Die @ ABC, that was pretty smashing, Gallows were surprisingly good, they ought to be endorsed by Heinz or something, skinny fucks, but they put on a good show! aaand i got to see Dale so that was even better :D, i miss going to gigs all the time, next gig issss Taking BackSunday i think, who's going? My boyfriend has rekindled my love for Adam Lazarra <3
Alsooo there was Ali's 20th at Classic Grand, and i have to say, 4th time lucky was definitely lucky, i actually enjoyed myself, even got on the dancefloor for some Enter Shikarrriii, the boys had the moves! But due to being ill (aye, AGAIN) was on antibiotics and couldn't drink, garbage i tell ye.
& Charmaine's 21st at Hamilton Accies, got far too sloshed (i blame my boyfriend for buying me drinks all night) and the highlight of my night was ATTEMPTING to jumpstyle to scooter with Caly & Catt and clean out decking it, then going home, spewing bright purple and going up to Luuu's to recooperate, talk shite for hours and get the best roll 'n' sausage ever out the tabac, love that lassie!
Speaking of being ill, been stupidly ill the past few weeks,feeling sick and headaches etc etc, it's only really just gave it a by, haven't felt sick for a few days but i've had to change my diet, pasta and bread that's about it really, i'm WELL treating myself tonight to a takeaway of sorts though! Perhaps a Chinese? orrr A bigga pizza pie?
Aye, so, today, went to opticians 'cause obviously my eyesight may have been the cause of my headaches, and it turns out it is, my left eyes got considerably worse (basically everythings a total blur out of it) and the optician goes "Yeah, eh, i think you need to wear your glasses a lot more, preferably all the time" EH WHIT, no way am i being a full-time specky :(, no offence to full time speckies, i'm just no' intae it, ken yon wiy?
Ehhh, so overview of exams is probably appropriate considering the title of this here blog, first one was average, second one was okay, third was well good and fourth was average, hmm, fingers crossed for passes! :)
"Life asks of you what it thinks you can handle"
I think that's true, i should have more faith in myself and what i'm capable of coping with, i don't give myself enough credit i reckon. i learn a lesson from everything i go through, and i'll keep saying it but every cloud honestly does have a silver lining, somewhere.
Looking forward to having a fully functioning social life again, it was the worst feeling in the world having to cancel to study, having to put things on hold and not spend time with my pally wals, but now i can, so yay, just some more $$$ wouldn't go a miss ya know?
Don't get me wrong, i can't complain about staying in 90% of the time, 'cause a) i did study more and b) i really enjoy spending time with my lovely boyfriend, he's put up with me so much the past couple weeks, my mood swings have been something fucking else and being a depressed-bunny hasn't helped either - note to self, never bottle things up!
but the negatives have been pants too, too much alone time means i think too much means i can't concentrate to study and meant i was really lonely and dug myself into a wee hole, hopefully i'm climb out of it soon, i hate being this low about things and i don't want to pull everyone close to me down with me.
Trying to think of things that are interesting to talk about... hmm... fed up with my hair colour/cut/EVERYTHING, definitely going blonde, i didn't come this far to go dark again, so back to my natural colour.. crikey, it's been a good while since i've been blonde.
Got a couple of ideas for body mods too, back on the idea of dermal anchors on my chest, just two, at either side, where my collarbones SHOULD be haha :p, or a dermal anchor on one of my fingers, thought that'd be cute, and i want my conch done too. it terms of tattoos i'm really liking the idea of caligraphy in white ink somewhere on me, not too noticeable, understated yet elegant oui? and i plan to get some form of symbol on the side of my finger, meaningful but ye canny really see it, sound good?
Constantly wavering on the idea of taking my bridge out, although the opticians assured me it is not and cannot ever give me a squint i'm less keen to part ways with it, i do love it so! A referendum amongst my friends is long over due haha!
Talking about referendum's, who's voting in the EU elections? or whatever it happens to be, such a good politics student i am, NAHT.
Most folk will know 'cause of my parents i've always kinna favoured Conservatives/Green, and we're working class! Never been a big fan of Labour, but then again that's more to do with current issues and student issues than anything else. Moreover, i'm totally pro-union, so fuck SNP, if you support independence you need to look into it a bit more! I got a flyer through about UKIP, i mean come on, do you honestly think its a good idea to cut ties with the EU when our economy is completely down the pan? It's fairly adequate to suggest the UK is independtly capable of regaining a secure economy without European funding. Hmm, i need to look more into this i reckon, just download the Conservative European Manifesto, but it's frying my brain, i've had enough of Politics for the day!
But, once i've made my mind up on who i'm voting for, i shall post a blog about it and tell you why i'm voting for them, who knows, i could end up voting Labour! :P
BUT MAKE SURE YOU GO OUT AND VOTE! Voter turnouts are unecessarily low, pisses me off, if you've got the right to vote and you know a bit about politics then use your vote to help change the country! You can't sit and moan about how shite the economy is, or if you're an old man in a pub, how much you "fucking hate Gordon Brown" - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, then moan, not to me though :P.
Holy shit sticks this have been a long blog.. OOPS!
Can't wait to get back into reading, currently reading 'Nocturnes' by John Connoly, got a good few books lined up for the summer!
So here's my wee list of things to do this summer:
1) sleep
2) get a job (?)
3) DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL BITCHES.
4) modify my body
5) lose weight (swimming, yay)
6) go to the beach more than once!
7) get a tan NATURALLY
8) get my wee flat looking spick and span!
9) see all my loved ones whenever possible :)
Peace.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
Edinburgh
i'll come to that later.
SO, friday/saturday/sunday with my boyfriend, so here's what we did:
Friday, we went to see:
4.5/5 i'd say, (only accounting for the fact it was in Swedish) cannot WAIT to read the book.
opening snow sequence where it's entirely silent is beautiful, makes being a vampire look more life-choice than fairytale, totally different perspective and that's what makes the film good.
thennnn, i went to see my two favourite girls, Plews & Greene and boogied on down at the:
not like we're not always there anyway, but check us out:
love!
Sooo, Saturday, i met up with guess who? Bryan, and we stayed in bed all morning then got up and went to:
for din dins, got an absolute feast, we could barely walk after it, i could easily eat him under the table, apart from when it comes to cake, he is the cakey monster.
then, after Ali came and ate some curly fries and sold us tickets we went to:
we donated towards cancer research but held back on the moshing part.
then Sundayy, i was flung in at the deep end and got to meet the McGuire's at Bryan's sister's 26th.. scary bastards, kidding on, they were top notch folks, even if his gran put FAR too much sherry in the truffles!
but Bryan gave me Ty, as he is so Christened for Eastah:
isn't he cute? ^-^
& we watched:
ANYWAY, back to the point.
14/4/09 was our 2 month anniversary, so we went to Edinburgh for the day :):
being a politics student and that i thought 'hey, lets go up tae holyrood', and after walking so much our feet got sore and the help of google maps on my phone, we found it!:
& then we trekked back along the Royal Mile (which coicidently, is actually a mile long) and went up to the Castle, here's the view from the top:
oooo lovely!
but 'cause i'm "so myspace", we took some more photos from the top ;):
prisons of war? they don't exist, must be some inside joke with the workers there, although watching a wee boy dry hump some concrete balls was pretty entertaining, along with all the other historical malarkey obviously :p.
anyway, after wandering about and soaking up all the history like girl & boy sized sponges, we went and treated ourselves to some ice creams (yummy) and decided to find this mad pub i found on the internet called Jekyll & Hyde and got a drink:
cheeky wee vandals! :)
theeennn, we headed back to glasgow and omnomed our faces off in Republic, i beat Bryan for the first time ever in eating cake, definitely worth mentioning, i'm sure his ego took a severe beating after it.
ehhh mario, you're amazing uh :)
Peace.
SO, friday/saturday/sunday with my boyfriend, so here's what we did:
Friday, we went to see:
4.5/5 i'd say, (only accounting for the fact it was in Swedish) cannot WAIT to read the book.
opening snow sequence where it's entirely silent is beautiful, makes being a vampire look more life-choice than fairytale, totally different perspective and that's what makes the film good.
thennnn, i went to see my two favourite girls, Plews & Greene and boogied on down at the:
not like we're not always there anyway, but check us out:
love!
Sooo, Saturday, i met up with guess who? Bryan, and we stayed in bed all morning then got up and went to:
for din dins, got an absolute feast, we could barely walk after it, i could easily eat him under the table, apart from when it comes to cake, he is the cakey monster.
then, after Ali came and ate some curly fries and sold us tickets we went to:
we donated towards cancer research but held back on the moshing part.
then Sundayy, i was flung in at the deep end and got to meet the McGuire's at Bryan's sister's 26th.. scary bastards, kidding on, they were top notch folks, even if his gran put FAR too much sherry in the truffles!
but Bryan gave me Ty, as he is so Christened for Eastah:
isn't he cute? ^-^
& we watched:
ANYWAY, back to the point.
14/4/09 was our 2 month anniversary, so we went to Edinburgh for the day :):
being a politics student and that i thought 'hey, lets go up tae holyrood', and after walking so much our feet got sore and the help of google maps on my phone, we found it!:
& then we trekked back along the Royal Mile (which coicidently, is actually a mile long) and went up to the Castle, here's the view from the top:
oooo lovely!
but 'cause i'm "so myspace", we took some more photos from the top ;):
prisons of war? they don't exist, must be some inside joke with the workers there, although watching a wee boy dry hump some concrete balls was pretty entertaining, along with all the other historical malarkey obviously :p.
anyway, after wandering about and soaking up all the history like girl & boy sized sponges, we went and treated ourselves to some ice creams (yummy) and decided to find this mad pub i found on the internet called Jekyll & Hyde and got a drink:
cheeky wee vandals! :)
theeennn, we headed back to glasgow and omnomed our faces off in Republic, i beat Bryan for the first time ever in eating cake, definitely worth mentioning, i'm sure his ego took a severe beating after it.
ehhh mario, you're amazing uh :)
Peace.
for Aimée
because I'm thinking of you & i know how much you enjoy my ramblings on here :).
It annoys me how i can barely remember what i did last week, or what the different parts of the brain are, yet when i find an old CD i loved, i can put it on and remember every single word of every single song.
& i also hate how much i hate clutter and love minimalism, yet my flat is like a multicoloured jumble sale - i'd love a blank canvas, and the money to paint it however i want.
so many things remains unfinished!
e.g. driving lessons, i can't afford to do them right now, so i'm going to suggest a break i reckon, start them up again once my exams are completed.
always seems to be practical things i never see through, you wouldn't think it but when i was younger i did tap dancing, disco dancing, ballet, swimming, baton twirling, even karate, but i never stuck at it, never made something of it, only one i ever entered a competition for or did a show for, was swimming, and fuck knows where that trophy is.
even at school, i got chucked out higher art and i haven't picked up any of my instruments since the day of my practical exam 2 years ago, they just collect dust under my bed... and it's not that i wasn't good at it, i was dropped for higher art because i made no effort, i was chucked out all 3 school bands i was in for swearing at a couple of teachers.
i wish i had the time to devote time to drawing again, or the time to go and buy a music book, and play some jazz on my sax, ken, just for the hell of it, maybe put my purple music stand to more use than hanging my old jewelery from. fact is i just have a lot of my wee plate, or maybe my priorities aren't what they should be.
i'm kind of torn between doing what's best for my future and living for the moment, i can't seem to decide what's more important, so it's a seesaw currently.
'the thing about doing everything is having no time to do nothing'
i know a good few of you could say, aye, but sitting on myspace is doing nothing, it's being lazy, but it's not, everything requires effort, i use the internet to keep track of my friends, make the effort to have conversations with them, so i'm not totally being absorbed by my other priorities - a point to social networking, whodda thought it?!
so yes, studying has been initiated.. did some on neurological disorders.. makes me cringe - no, i'm not a hypocondriac! well, maybe a little bit :p
the fact that from studying this i have learned that a coldsore can lead to severe memory loss (clive wearing anyone?) and chicken pocs can eradicate my spatial awareness freaks the sheet out of me (i haven't had them yet :().
but i'll go to bed early tonight, and i'll be up at 8am to do what? yes STUDY, study bum, study study study, book hugging, study geek. I'M EVEN WEARING MY SPECS.
in other news, family.. family really is the friends you choose, those you choose to keep close to you. fair enough, loving family is an unconditional kind of love, but not everyone is that lucky.
but i keep trying, i keep trying because i'll never stop loving you, even thought you always hurt me, there is an invisible tie connecting us that has been there since the day i was born and it'll never break, you can tug on it all you want, try and run from it, but it's always going to be there.
this leads me to thank a few people, one girl in particular - julie mclachlan.
i don't know where i'd be without you.
the rest of you, well, there's only certain folk i bother talking to nowadays, so i'm pretty sure you know that i love you.
<3
what else?
aye, summer, so last summer i was PRETTY skint, by pretty skint, i mean i ate peanut butter on toast for about 3 months, so this summer i intend to get a job - DUN DUN DUUUUNNN.
how can you say 'no' to my m-m-m-metal face? honestly guys, give me a job please? \m/
xxxxxxxbrawxxxxxxxxx
just realised i'm sitting in the dark, i am a payoor goff. NNCE NNCE.
Peace.
It annoys me how i can barely remember what i did last week, or what the different parts of the brain are, yet when i find an old CD i loved, i can put it on and remember every single word of every single song.
& i also hate how much i hate clutter and love minimalism, yet my flat is like a multicoloured jumble sale - i'd love a blank canvas, and the money to paint it however i want.
so many things remains unfinished!
e.g. driving lessons, i can't afford to do them right now, so i'm going to suggest a break i reckon, start them up again once my exams are completed.
always seems to be practical things i never see through, you wouldn't think it but when i was younger i did tap dancing, disco dancing, ballet, swimming, baton twirling, even karate, but i never stuck at it, never made something of it, only one i ever entered a competition for or did a show for, was swimming, and fuck knows where that trophy is.
even at school, i got chucked out higher art and i haven't picked up any of my instruments since the day of my practical exam 2 years ago, they just collect dust under my bed... and it's not that i wasn't good at it, i was dropped for higher art because i made no effort, i was chucked out all 3 school bands i was in for swearing at a couple of teachers.
i wish i had the time to devote time to drawing again, or the time to go and buy a music book, and play some jazz on my sax, ken, just for the hell of it, maybe put my purple music stand to more use than hanging my old jewelery from. fact is i just have a lot of my wee plate, or maybe my priorities aren't what they should be.
i'm kind of torn between doing what's best for my future and living for the moment, i can't seem to decide what's more important, so it's a seesaw currently.
'the thing about doing everything is having no time to do nothing'
i know a good few of you could say, aye, but sitting on myspace is doing nothing, it's being lazy, but it's not, everything requires effort, i use the internet to keep track of my friends, make the effort to have conversations with them, so i'm not totally being absorbed by my other priorities - a point to social networking, whodda thought it?!
so yes, studying has been initiated.. did some on neurological disorders.. makes me cringe - no, i'm not a hypocondriac! well, maybe a little bit :p
the fact that from studying this i have learned that a coldsore can lead to severe memory loss (clive wearing anyone?) and chicken pocs can eradicate my spatial awareness freaks the sheet out of me (i haven't had them yet :().
but i'll go to bed early tonight, and i'll be up at 8am to do what? yes STUDY, study bum, study study study, book hugging, study geek. I'M EVEN WEARING MY SPECS.
in other news, family.. family really is the friends you choose, those you choose to keep close to you. fair enough, loving family is an unconditional kind of love, but not everyone is that lucky.
but i keep trying, i keep trying because i'll never stop loving you, even thought you always hurt me, there is an invisible tie connecting us that has been there since the day i was born and it'll never break, you can tug on it all you want, try and run from it, but it's always going to be there.
this leads me to thank a few people, one girl in particular - julie mclachlan.
i don't know where i'd be without you.
the rest of you, well, there's only certain folk i bother talking to nowadays, so i'm pretty sure you know that i love you.
<3
what else?
aye, summer, so last summer i was PRETTY skint, by pretty skint, i mean i ate peanut butter on toast for about 3 months, so this summer i intend to get a job - DUN DUN DUUUUNNN.
how can you say 'no' to my m-m-m-metal face? honestly guys, give me a job please? \m/
xxxxxxxbrawxxxxxxxxx
just realised i'm sitting in the dark, i am a payoor goff. NNCE NNCE.
Peace.
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